Small Victories
by Faith-fanfic16
Summary: If Callie can't snap Arizona out of it, she thinks she knows who can help. (post-9x01)


It's almost two weeks after she screams at Callie that the door opens again and she feels herself preparing for another fight. Something feels different; the dreary silence of usual is not on the agenda this time. No, she's not ready to get out of bed. No, she can't deal with planning Mark's funeral or even think about attending. Quite frankly she's happy to lie here and wallow, because her leg is gone and as far as she can see her life is over.

She'll never be a surgeon again. Never go for her morning run. Never hike up the park hill to have lunch with her friends. She doesn't have the faintest clue how to be of any use to Callie and Sofia, and quite frankly she's still _so _mad at Callie that she doesn't care. She also doesn't care if it's rational, because her fucking leg is gone and she gets to be not-rational for once.

It's Callie that doesn't talk this time, only marches forward and clears her throat. She waits until Arizona looks up at her with that dark hue in her eyes before leaning over and depositing the load in her arms on the bed.

It takes Arizona's brain half a second to catch up and then she's recoiling back against the pillows, the whites of her eyes taking over as though Callie has just put a crocodile in the sheets with her.

"What are you–" Arizona looks from Sofia, who sits there docilely and perfect, and then back up at Callie with terror in her eyes. "Callie, no, I-I can't."

"Yes, you can," is all Callie says, turning around and heading back to the door. She repeats to herself over and over again that this is the right thing to do, because if Arizona won't let Sofia see her willingly, then Callie's going to make her deal with it. Sofia misses her daddy and she knows her mama is around but can't quite seem to figure out why she doesn't get to play with her every morning anymore.

"Callie," Arizona calls out, for the first time without anger or spite in her voice. She sounds absolutely terrified but Callie ignores it and closes the door quietly behind her.

Arizona eyeballs Sofia like this cute, tiny toddler is about to grow six monster heads and bite her. She's shaking and she doesn't know why, because even through all of the pain she still loves her little girl.

Sofia doesn't seem to notice the difference; she's just happy to be there. She crawls towards Arizona over the covers, a gleeful "Mama!" breaking Arizona's heart in two.

"Hey," is all Arizona manages hoarsely, reaching out and steadying Sofia as she stands up against her mother's side. She flinches but has nowhere to lunge to when Sofia climbs into her lap, an old habit she used to love. Arizona awkwardly holds her daughter as the softness of the bed causes her to fall back to her knees, right onto Arizona's good leg. Sofia grins brightly at her and makes a grab for a lock of hair, a small string of Spanglish and giggles nearly causing Arizona to smile.

For a moment Arizona thinks she almost _feels _something – other than anger or confusion or hurt or rage – but then Sofia makes a crawl for her stump leg and she seizes up again.

"Baby no," Arizona admonishes, grabbing her by the sides. The blankets have moved and part of her thigh is exposed, and as Arizona holds a squirmy Sofia against her chest, something comes over her and she pulls it the rest of the way off.

Sofia sits comfortably between her Mama's legs and puts a hand on the injured one, staring but not really _staring _like Arizona knows everyone else will when the time comes.

"Pretty gross, huh?" Arizona murmurs mostly to herself, a sense of shame starting to permeate her again. She hates that her daughter has lost so much in such a short period of time, and that she can't bring herself to do more about it.

But Sofia's attention begins to wander and she's trying to stand up again, so Arizona grabs her by her underarms and turns her around, bringing them face to face. Her arms feel like wet noodles and she has no idea how she's supposed to function in a wheelchair or crutches with these sticks attached to her sides - if she ever gets out of bed in the first place.

The expression Sofia is wearing reminds her so strongly of Callie's 'stern look' that Arizona nearly cries. She doesn't know how they got here but it isn't fair. They already went through this once with Callie and to make their family do so again, it was cruel.

Something wet slides down her cheeks and it takes Arizona a minute to realize that she's starting to sob. Sofia's tiny hand presses against her cheek and then Arizona gathers her into her arms, holding on tightly and not knowing if she'll ever be able to let go.

Sofia squirms for a moment but then settles in, happy to be back with her Mama and curled up in her arms. She lets Arizona lean back against the mountain of pillows and snuggles up with a tired yawn.

Arizona holds in what she can so she doesn't scare her daughter but at least part of the dam has burst and there's no stopping it now. She cradles Sofia like a lifeline and cries for what feels like the first time in forever.

**#*#***

Half an hour is all Callie can make herself wait. She hovers outside the door for the first ten minutes until she hears her wife and daughter exchange small words, then forces herself to go keep busy in the kitchen.

Now she turns the knob slowly and sticks her head in, unsure what she's going to see. The sight simultaneously breaks her heart and mends it in an instant; Arizona curled up on her right side with Sofia out cold and wrapped in her arms. It's the first time since bringing her wife home that she's been able to convince her to hold their daughter – even if she didn't give Arizona much choice in the matter.

Arizona's half asleep too, but she hears the door creak and lifts her eyes. Her fingers still mid-motion as she strokes the back of Sofia's head and just a little bit of that fear starts to rise in her again.

Callie closes the door behind her and carefully steps onto the bed, settling far enough away from Arizona that she hopes to not set her off again. She reaches out and runs her fingers along Sofia's side. "She misses you."

Arizona's eyes are bloodshot and her cheeks still stained with tears. Another one escapes and she hurriedly wipes it away. "I don't know how to do this," she whispers, her voice sounding alien even to her own ears. "Any of this. I never wanted to…how did this happen?"

Callie bites her lip to keep from dissolving, knowing at least one of them needs to remain coherent enough to try and get through a conversation. "I'm not sorry." She watches Arizona stiffen but continues first. "I wasn't going to watch you suffer and die. It was the right choice - the _only _choice, and yet none of that makes me feel any better."

Arizona looks away because it hurts to stare at Callie, so she focuses on Sofia instead. "How am I supposed to take care of her now?"

Callie takes a risk and reaches out to place a hand on Arizona's good leg. "You heal. You do what you need to do, but you fight for her even if you don't want to do it for yourself. And then you keep being the amazing Mama you always were, because our daughter needs you."

Arizona buries her nose in the top of Sofia's head and breathes her in. "I don't know how. I'm not ready."

Callie smiles sadly and stands up, briefly reaching out to trace her thumb along Arizona's jaw. "I'll still be here when you are."

Exhaustion is hitting and Arizona gathers Sofia closer. "Can you leave her here for a while?"

Callie nods, wishing more than anything that Arizona would ask her to stay. But she doesn't, and Callie won't hold it against her, or at least she'll try not to. This was a step and for today she'll count that as a small victory.

In the doorway she pauses, looking back over her shoulder as Arizona and Sofia doze quietly on the bed. "I love you, you know. Always."

Arizona looks up and her heart hurts. "I know."

Callie nods and closes the door behind her. The apartment is starting to feel just a little less empty.


End file.
